gsnedders

Last night I came across something I wrote just over a year ago: oh how times have changed. No longer do I feel as I did then about anyone mentioned in what I wrote. Indeed, if you were to look at some of the descriptions of people in it and compare with how they are now you'd think I was mad describing them like I did. How people change…

Even if I look at myself a year ago, the difference is amazing. I was, even on a really basic level, far less depressed than I am now. Looking deeper, I was finally starting to consider if I was well enough to ask anyone out (a point perhaps made irrelevant by my cowardliness).

Around six months ago, I was starting to give up all hope of ever asking her₁ out, knowing that after eleven months of reaming I was just too scared of the slightest thing going wrong. I knew I had move on beyond her₁, and that my best hope of doing so was probably to divert my mind to her₂, who I already had a slight crush on. It was also around this time that my mood swings started to become increasingly frequent: back then, they had happened once or so every three months — now it is closer to one every fortnight.

Then, a month later, in May, so much happened. So much that I'm not yet mentally to talk about fully. So much that I could write about endlessly.

After the hellish month of May, four months ago, the effects of May continued to change things in my life. I finally, after fancying her₁ for over a year, moved on, though it was near the end of the month before she was fully out of my mind — to quote Catullus (in translation): It is hard to lay aside a long lasting love/It is difficult, but it must be done by you in some way or other/it is the one safety, this must be conquered by you/Just do it! Whether it is possible or impossible. I behave so differently around her₂. No longer am I so shy. No longer am I so cowardly. So much is different, yet so much the same.