From one slow train back from Edinburgh, having met up with Caius:
My girlfriend is the epitome
Of elegance and eloquence
Of beauty divine above all elseI worship her, as if a god:
As fine as my one true desire,
As flawless as eternal VenusShe cares for me with endless delight
Willing to help whatever the cost
Knowing I need her, but she me moreWhat I owe her I will never know:
A lifetime of love, of kisses?
No, less physical, more heartly.
O love, O sweetest love,
I fall for one so near,
I cannot bear to risk,
Of a friend no more.
I fall for one so near.
Will it be love,
Of a friend no more?
Or will friendship end?
Will it be love,
Love of a friend,
Or will friendship end?
What love I have.
Love of a friend,
I cannot bear to risk.
What love I have,
O love, O sweetest love.
This is the first of what I intend on being several short poems inspired by search string referrers to this blog (i.e., things people have searched for and found this blog). To start with, let me bring up a theme that has found this blog a lot recently: the relationship between love and hate (this mainly leads to the post entitled Love Leads To Hate).
odi et amo
Never did those ancient words seem so true
Never did they resonate throughout my life
Like they do now
Never did those ancient words seem so true
They seem so frightfully close to me
Like the words do now
For what is a love-sick man to do?
They seem so frightfully close to me
The girls that surround themselves around me
For what is a love-sick man to do?
Could it really be what it seems?
The girls that surround themselves around me
They claim they love me to all their friends
Could it really be what it seems?
Is it all part of a greater joke?
They claim they love me to all their friends
Do I claim to love them in return?
Is it all part of a greater joke?
Should I just ignore them all?
Do I claim to love them in return?
Will I be parodied further?
Should I just ignore them all?
What do they intend to do with their claims?
Will I be parodied further?
Why do I not hate them?
What do they intend to do with their claims?
It just makes me look stupid
Why do I not hate them?
I may as well hate them, for all they have done to me
It just makes me look stupid
Hate is the only solution to this
I may as well hate them, for all they have done to me
Their love is my hate
Hate is the only solution to this
Never did I ever truly want them
Their love is my hate
Never did they resonate throughout my life
Never did I ever truly want themodi et amo
Why does love have to screw everyone over?
Why the fuck don't I hate her4?
Why can I love someone who has annoyed me so much?
Why am I always screwed over?
Why does anyone I ever have a chance with annoy me?
Why do lustful actions annoy me?
Why does everything just seem to emphasise my loneliness?
Why do I refuse anything to do with love?
Wouldn't I be better if I did?
Wouldn't it help me?
Wouldn't it rid me of my loneliness?
Wouldn't it help me?
What state am I in when I can't read a book without breaking down?
What must I do to myself to move beyond this?
What can I do to myself to stop refusing love?
What can I do to move forward?
Jesus, take me into Your loving arms.
Jesus, help me through these hard times.
Jesus, remind me of what Your love can do.
Jesus, take my hand and show me the fields of Elysium.
This is most likely not what you're meant to do in class when the teacher doesn't show up immediately, and when you're being semi-covered by another teacher in the department, but it only took me five minutes to do, so why not?
What use is life when it is surrounded by failure?
By death?
By suicide?
Are we meant to follow our peers example?
Is it purely a test of how mentally strong we are?
Everything is so fucking worthless.
Are we meant to be pushed to the limit?
By lust?
By death?
What are we meant for?
Is the plan in life for future?
Or just for death?
Why does lust exist?
To cause annoyance?
Or to give hope?
What does annoyance cause?
Death?
Suicide?
And the endless teasing pushes it further,
Pushes it over the edge,
Pushes you into the fall.